I guess I have been overly anxious these past few days, but nvm that. Days in school have become boring and lectures are meaningless. But at least I have my class to play with, so it gets kinda meaningful.
?b? got worked up for me not telling her I have competition. wtfh. I didn't mean to skip her lesson, at least I have a valid reason, and the class told her already. It is not my fault that she hates science, or boys, or particularly cat high boys. My essays have been showed twice, and both when I was not around. So that basically means that she is not pointing out my mistakes to me, but to express her hatred. In lessons she has been excessively repeating the "we stupid she smart" confessions, and digressed so much from the lessons that we learnt pratically nothing. Sometimes, I think she should just stfu.
ok it is bad for me to slander in blogs, but she has done the same to me in her class, so nvm...
Anyway, the competition did not go well. Many questions left unanswered despite finishing the questions 2 hours early. By the end of the 4 hours, less than half the number of candidates stayed through. Out of the 8 questions given, i am only confident with 3.
another dissapointment is that I couldn't drop bio ;_;
My form teacher wouldn't sign my form. I guess she saw the potential in me, which is non-existent. It is not that I dun like CO, I just want to conentrate on my other subjects. But still, ms chen is rather convincing and encouraging. I thought bio is unimportant, and she proved me wrong. Many people are fighting to near-death over retaining 4 subjects. I guess it is dumb to just drop bio.
~ I feel so lost and I don't know what to do..... ~
It is sad that ms chen will not be teaching us again next year. We have changed our form teachers 3 times this year. I hate farewells. Everytime when just we managed to adapt, to get used to the things around us, it has to be taken away from us again. It is rather painful. I heard Mr Hong will also not be teaching us again next year.
I hope we can fight for it. as a class.
Chinese AO coming and I am quite worried about it.
My Daily Bread:The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;my God, my strength,in whom I will trust. ~ Psalm 18:2 ~
I have caused harm to many of my friends. Because of me, the rest suffered. Because of me, the rest have to be blamed. How many lives must I ruin in this life. How many people has to be burdened by my presence, by my existence.
I feel like fuck inside. Everytime I tried to trust, to change, picking up the broken shards from where I left off, it will just fall apart, again and again. I learned to believe, and I dared to dream this time, but it all just crumbled around me.
It seems like a small event, which happens daily. Yet, others got hurt when they are not supposed to. When I am the one who are meant to get hurt, it chose not to. The guilt of the past still haunts me, and now it came flooding back. It feels like reliving the past events. I made it happen again, just like before. If there's something I have learnt from the past, it is not to trust, not to dream. If you fall, at least you won't fall too hard. It seems I haven't learnt at all. I have to suppress the other side of me.
Many feel it is wrong. But I feel that it is safe. At least i can prevent others from getting hurt in my place. It won't make me relive the guilt.
I hate being such an emo shit, bitching about my feelings. I hate being so weak. How should I face others again.
It's AJ open house today and I am supposed to present the Elementz lab to the newbies. But then again, not many people would come to AJ open house...
A random pic of clement ong and me taken in front of Elementz Lab...haha...
I think the open house was kinda boring. I should have gone to VJ open house, or Cat High open house. grrr.... Anyway, Kenji came later on and we played bowling together and ate teppanyaki at J8...
My promo results are crap. but I am promoted... yayness....
There's still much things to do... Chinese AO and PW are not over yet... I have to get ready for Physics Olympiad. My NUS research project has been lagging lately.
But still, I am engrossed in playing maple story =.= and replaying FF7.
I couldn't understand my life nowadays. The more I hope, the more I wished things would go my way, the more it will crumble in front of me, and the more I will lose my grip, my final shreds of sanity. Lifelong friends and faithful companions are just crap, a comforting denial we often use to hide from reality.
My Daily Bread:to know the love of Christwhich passes all knowledge~ Ephisians 3:19 ~
I have not been blogging as often as i did last time. grr..... School days are getting dry and boring this week. Hours of boredom and emptiness with nothing much accomplished, then it worsened with the bad results for promos... This sucks!
Hmm... cat high 70th anniversary yesterday night. It is mostly for old old boys, those really old, and balding.... umm... thinning ones. But the scouts have booked tables, so many ex-ventures came also. Hak boon was standing-by at the entrance to welcome our arrival, with several other teachers and policemen. how sweet of him... but it turned out that he is waiting for the guest of honour... -_-'
The place was rather big. From outside it doesn't seem like the building is big enough to provide such space.
the first floor and the stage...
The first floor is for the balding and the teachers...
and the second floor...
Lee Hsien Long was the guest of honour omg. We had to pass through metal detectors at the entrance, and the toilets are secured by feeemale poolice. then he came and made a speech of encouragement. Not bad, he said he is proud of the school.
The meals are served and we watched performances by the band, choir and video presentations of each CCAs. My table is fun. It is quite rare nowadays to experience such fun and laughter.
Then, we received different sets of collectible porcelain bowl, each with different chinese words encripted on it.
After the dinner, we ventures take a stroll together through the night and then went to lau pat sat for midnight supper: sting-rays and clams. Went back home at around 12 to 1. Haha... shit! Cannot stay awake for long today...
Chinese AO coming up, and I am still faaaiiiling...!!! Tomorrow's open day and I am excited to meet my juniors...if they are coming at all...
is officially over... yay... although it is a mission failed, since I suck at mugging.
Hmm... physics was okay, a lot of careless mistakes btw, but... heck. It is holiday, and we can live in denial for one week, before results are released. oh nooo...
Many people celebrate after the end of the exams. I joined yick loong, zhi kai and 3 other girls for lunch at ang mo kio, and then went to J8... for neoprints. x.x
After that, I went to somerset to join my class for movie, thinking a total manpower of at least 20++, but only 7 girls turned up. T_T A class indeed. We watched corpse bride. I thought it might suck a little bit, so i think I can use a little sleep in the theatre since I felt kinda bushed. But the show turned out to be quite interesting after all. It is a miserable tale, and the ending is really touchy-feely kind, more like korean shows, but it is still quite metaphorical.
I love the piano duet part, where the 2 leads are pitting one another over their piano skills, but the overall tune is rather nice and heartening. I love the soundtrack. Gonna buy it once it is released.
another neoprint i took with my class...
Hmm... shop around at orchard a little bit and then went to marina bay: the highlight of the day.
Many turned out, quite a good response, considering the state of our class, but sadly weicheng didn't come. grrr.... but anyway, we had a nice time. Since the area is not crowded on this day, so we can... misbehave and go havoc.
It took us quite long to reach the place, since there's a lot of idiots camping at the MRT station, begging us to eat at their misplaced, god-forsaken stalls. We manage to fuck them off quite effortlessly though. Ha! cower in fear before the combined might of AJ-SC-14/05, gundam mode.
inter-feeding
Dinner was nice. Ate together for 2 whole hours, mass-crapping involved. After that we decided to go to clarke quay...on FOOT! hmm...nice attempts to burn fats, but still stupid.
Kenneth, me and Priscilla.... on foot!
We decided to cut through a park. we travelled for quite a distance, then...
this cat suddenly pointed at a sign board, laughing like a maniac at us...
It says:
grrr! I told ya she's jinxed...
Then heaven decided that it would take a nice piss, so we had to backtrack under limited umbrellas, and take a bus back to MRT station. home...
It is nice to release all of our burden altogether, and celebrate as a class, kinda like a catharsis.
Friday and next monday are holidays, gotta repay my sleep debt.
I have a long list of plan of holiday activities.... next week all the lessons are PW, yay! It is gonna be fun, esp when pat lim is not arnd... The class shall rock his ass!
My Daily Bread:You are no longer a slavebut a son,and if a son,then an heir of God through Christ.~ Galatians 4:7 ~
ugh... anticipating..... *tick*
Maths on tuesday... I think i screwed it up. It just got badly raped, yeah... maths is no longer virgin.
Chemistry and Chinese today was okay. At least I finish.
some people, who dun take chinese and physics, can go yay-yay around the class, while the rest are crying over last-minute mugging.... gghk!
Physics tomorrow. last one. oh yeah...
Our Daily Bread:For to me,to live is Christ,and to die is gain.~ Philippians 1:21 ~
a long time since blogging, and i dunno why I did it now, in the middle of my exams, anyway...
bio was like, ... gghk~!
Last minute mugging helps for bio, i thought, so i only started on saturday.
Brilliant! Charlie's angels yesterday. Yay!
GP was okay... since there's a high probability that globalisation will come out, and it did. Clement Cheng was so desperate over globalisation these last few days that it became obvious it will come out. The question was familiar, so i recited the tale of Michael Eisner and the Haitian t-shirt maker.
Compre was quite understandable, but the questions make me drop 346025.64 hairs. It is titled, "the lifeboat". Quite metaphorical to our lives actually, how we can save many people drowning out there, yet at the expense of our own safety.
Maths tomorrow and I am not sure whether I am prepared for it.
Good luck for promos. All The Best! God Bless!
To my class: do well for maths plz, cuz my reputation as maths rep is at stake.
My Daily Bread:Fight the good fight of faith,lay hold on eternal life.~ 1 Timothy 6:12 ~
